book is finished. You’ve slaved over it, loved it, cut it to pieces and put it
back together, even read through it backwards just to make sure that every word
was spelled correctly. It’s ready. So what do you do next? There are several
options available now that weren’t available to authors before, such as
self-publishing and internet publishing, but traditionally there were two
routes: send it directly to publishing houses, or find an agent.
would you want an agent? Why would you seek a middle man to take a commission for
your literary baby being published? What do agents even do?
those are all excellent questions. I’m glad you asked.
first thing that agents do is provide a filter for the publishing industry.
Editors are swamped with submissions and the unsolicited manuscripts they
receive (meaning the ones that show up in the mail that the editor did not
request) are all put in the slush pile. It may take them 6-8 months to even get
to your manuscript, and they know before they open it that this is just you,
John Doe writer, who thinks that your book is incredible.
are selective about the projects they take on, and so if a manuscript is
recommended to an editor by an agent, the editor is more likely to read it
sooner and consider it. The editor knows this manuscript has already been
vetted by one level of the publishing industry, which gives you and your story
credibility. As I was researching this, on one author’s blog he even mentioned that
with editors so busy it’s rare for publishers to even consider unagented
submissions. Can you get published without an agent? Yes, but it’s harder, and
we’ll talk about how to do that later.
that you’ve found your agent (to find an agent, go to my Query and Cover Letters page to learn how to contact them), what do they do for you besides add
a level of professionalism? They help you make your manuscript stronger. The publishing world is very competitive, and
most literary agents do their job because they honestly love books. Your agent
will help you edit your novel and offer suggestions for revisions. Now you are
allowed to take or leave these suggestions, but may I recommend that you TAKE
THEM. Agents offer a fresh perspective that is weighted with years of
experience. Love your story enough to want to make it the best it can be. Don’t
smother it. And if you and your agent don’t get along? Drop them and find
another one. A good agent may even recommend someone else whom they think you
will be better suited to work with.
agents have worked in the publishing industry, usually for years as an
assistant before becoming an agent in their own right, they have a lot of
networking hours lodged. Your agent will have gone to conventions, workshops,
and other industry events. There they meet editors and form relationships with
them. They have represented other clients and helped them get published, and
worked with publishing houses to do so. There will be editors that your agent
knows personally. Agents also research the market and submission guidelines,
editor’s preferences and publishing house genres. They will know to whom to
submit your manuscript, how, and when. And then they can pester those editors
until they get a response. If you tried that, the editor would likely trash
your manuscript without even opening it.
is worth mentioning at this point your agent has done all of this without
getting paid for any of it. You don’t pay your agent. The agent earns a
commission of the sale of your manuscript, so they don’t get paid if you don’t.
This is referred to as having skin in the game. Getting you published matters to
them because that’s how they earn their living. If you encounter any offers by
any agency who wants you to pay up front, WALK AWAY. There are no fees, no
costs to finding an agent. Anyone who says there are is trying to scam you.
having an agent is not a guarantee of publication. They could spend hundreds of
hours on your project and still come up empty. But they represented your
manuscript because they believe in it. That alone can make it worth it.
then, if everything goes well, an offer comes in. (Time out for joy-dancing. Go
ahead, I’ll wait. I have mine all planned out.) The agent helps you, the
author, decide what comes next. Initial offers are usually not that much money-
authors do not become wealthy by selling manuscripts to publishing houses. Your
agent can let you know if it’s a good offer, but they can also negotiate it
upwards. There are legal contracts involved, and the agent will make sure all
the details are in line and correct and explain anything that isn’t clear, and
take any questions you have to the publisher. Once everything is right, then
your agent will submit the contract for your signature. So another great perk
of having an agent is not needing to be versed in contract law.
The agent will also follow along the
publication process. They’ll follow up on payments and stay on top of
publishers until payments come in. Your agent will mediate any disputes between
you and the publisher, keep track of important dates, and discuss marketing
strategies. Publishing houses are excellent at getting your book on the shelf
at Barnes & Noble, but terrible at promoting it for sale. We’ll talk about
how to promote yourself and your work later, too.
then there are subrights. Have you heard of subrights? These are the rights to
use your manuscript for film, audio, and translation, which can be sold
directly and not through the publisher. These rights can be very profitable if
your book is successful, and your agent can include clauses in the publishing
contract to ensure that you retain these subrights. That way if your book is
made into a movie, you don’t split the revenue with your publisher. Your agent
still gets a commission, as they should, because they’re the ones setting all
this up for you.
your book is sold, you’ve got a solid contract, and the publisher has set a
publication date. Do you still need your agent? YES. Your agent isn’t through
with you or done believing in you. Agents can help you plan your career
trajectory and decide where to go next. They can brainstorm how to get you in
front of larger audiences. Agents can be a sounding board, help you decide what
projects to pursue, keep you updated on changes in the publishing industry, and
generally help you navigate through where you should be going next.
even more to it than all this. The agent is the author’s ultimate advocate and
champion, whose entire job is to help advance you. Why wouldn’t you want one?
setting, character, and point of view. Plot, setting, character, and point of
view. Plot, setting, character, and point of view, and you can tell a story
too.” I wonder what Mrs. Bridges would think to know that I still vividly
remember her singing that song in sophomore English. I won’t tell you exactly
how long ago, but it was more than a decade. In my last writing post I talked
extensively about the first three. If you can establish a character, a setting,
and a conflict, then you have a story. This is about the fourth one, point of
view, which is the first step in deciding how to tell your story.
of view means from whose perspective the story is being told. It’s usually
abbreviated to POV, and it determines the narrator of a story and how much the
reader will know. There is first person, second person, and third person POV,
and they can each be either limited or omniscient in viewpoint and subjective
or objective in mode. Bored yet? Me too. Let’s write.
everyone knows I am writing in first person because I, the narrator, use the
word “I.” I am the first person. Straight from the source. Here are some
excerpts from popular books written in first person. The first person to guess
all of these books correctly in the comments will win first prize. First prize
is I write you a poem.
hear his instructions in my head. "Just clear out, put as much distance as
you can between yourselves and the others, and find a source of water." But
it's tempting, so tempting, when I see the bounty waiting there before me. And
I know that if I don't get it, someone else will.” See all how the character
“If you really want to hear about it, the
first thing you'll probably want to know is where I was born, and what my lousy
childhood was like, and how my parents were occupied and all before they had
me, and all that David Copperfield kind of crap, but I don't feel like going
into it, if you want to know the truth. In the first place, that stuff bores
me, and in the second place, my parents would have about two hemorrhages apiece
if I told anything pretty personal about them.”
person is easy to recognize, but difficult to write. You can only put what your
main character sees and experiences directly, and not what other people are
thinking or feeling. Everything that you put on the page needs to be colored
with the lens of your character. If you were writing in first person and your
main character was a young unmarried woman in Victorian England, she would not
spend a lot of time worrying about hunting wild boars. If your first person is
a soldier in a war, what he notices about battle will be different depending on
if this is his first engagement or if he’s at the tail end of several tours.
Feel free to write pages and pages of character narrative just to get a feel
for who they are and the belief windows through which they see the word. Your
book will be better for your understanding.
person is even more obvious when you read it, but it can be exceedingly tricky
to use to write an entire fiction novel. Instead of the “I” of first person,
second person is written with “you” in mind. Literally. The first two lines of
Jay McInerney’s Bright Lights, Big City (1984) are these: “You are not the kind of
guy who would be at a place like this at this time of the morning. But here you
are, and you cannot say that the terrain is entirely unfamiliar, although the
details are fuzzy.”
primarily in do-it-yourself manuals, choose your own adventure books,
role-playing games, and song lyrics, it is uncommon to find books written in
second person. In fact, in all my research I couldn’t find one work of literary
fiction written entirely in second person. But there were several that had
second person POV sections. Ready? I promise you’ve heard of these authors,
even if you don’t know it.
sink down and muffle your head in the clothes, shivering all the while, but
less from bodily chill, than the bare idea of a polar atmosphere. It is too
cold even for the thoughts to venture abroad. You speculate on the luxury of
wearing out a whole existence in bed, like an oyster in its shell, content with
the sluggish ecstasy of inaction, and drowsily conscious of nothing but
delicious warmth, such as you now feel again.”
have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself
any direction you choose. You’re on your own. And you know what you know. And
YOU are the guy who’ll decide where to go.”
person is “I”, second is “you”, and now we’re arrived at third, personal
pronouns. Our main character is “he” or “she,” and this is currently the most
popular POV to write. This is also where the limited or omniscient viewpoint is
the most noticeable. Limited viewpoint means that everything you write down is
limited by what your point of view character personally knows. He can’t say
that Max parked in his usual spot if he doesn’t know that Max usually parks
there. She may know there are ten steps between her bedroom door and the
bathroom, but have no idea there is someone waiting in the hallway in the dark.
Third person limited examples. And if you’ve gotten them all this far, start
thinking about what kind of poem you’d like me to write for you, the victor.
was an incredible sight. The dungeon was full of hundreds of pearly-white,
translucent people, mostly drifting around a crowded dance floor, waltzing to
the dreadful, quavering sound of thirty musical saws, played by an orchestra on
a raised, black-draped platform. A chandelier overhead blazed midnight-blue
with a thousand more black candles. Their breath rose in a mist before them; it
was like stepping into a freezer.”
stared out the side window of the SUV, watching foliage blur past. When the
flurry of motion became too much, she looked up ahead and fixed her gaze on a
particular tree, following it as it slowly approached, streaked past, and then
gradually receded behind her.
Was life like that? You
could look ahead to the future or back at the past, but the present moved too
quickly to absorb. Maybe sometimes. Not today. Today they were driving along an
endless two-lane highway through the forested hills of Connecticut.”
person omniscient has fallen out of favor somewhat in recent years, but it used
to be the go to for writers. In this POV, you the author know everything that
everyone knows and can share any part you want. It is tempting to reveal too
much, but it can also be fascinating. Imagine if you will a group of people
sitting around a table at a restaurant. They are eating delicious food. The
conversation is lively. Then the table explodes and they are thrown backwards
in heat and pain and shrapnel. Intense? Maybe. Surprising? Yes.
imagine that as a reader you know the bomb is under the table. You know it’s going
to go off very soon. You watch the people be seated and order, and you hear
their lively banter and compliments about the food, all the while knowing that
at any moment-boom. Surprising? No. Intense? Absolutely.
was a notable housewife; her work was always done and well done; she
"ran" the Sewing Circle, helped run the Sunday-school, and was the
strongest prop of the, Church Aid Society and Foreign Missions Auxiliary. Yet
with all this Mrs. Rachel found abundant time to sit for hours at her kitchen
window, knitting "cotton warp" quilts—she had, knitted sixteen of
them, as Avonlea housekeepers were wont to tell in awed voices-and keeping a
sharp eye on the main road that crossed the hollow and wound up the steep red
old woman was let in by the side door down the vaulted passage by Paul's room
and she was allowed a moment to peer in at him where he lay in his bed. By the
half-light of a suspensor lamp, dimmed and hanging near the floor, the awakened
boy could see a bulky female shape at his door, standing one step ahead of his
mother. The old woman was a witch shadow -- hair like matted spiderwebs, hooded
'round darkness of features, eyes like glittering jewels. "Is he not small
for his age, Jessica?" the old woman asked. Her voice
wheezed and twanged like an untuned baliset.”
right, now that we’ve gone through plot, setting, character, and point of view,
it’s your turn to tell a story. The first person who can name all the books
correctly gets a poem, and as for the rest, write.
had to go to the bathroom. All the signs were there, the uncomfortable fidgeting,
grabbing between the legs, walking with knees bent together. But when I asked, “Do
you need to go potty?”
He emphatically replied,
This was unusual
behavior for one of my preschool kids, especially this one who is in my class
for the second year. While the other kids played, I pulled him aside and asked
him what was wrong. “I’m afraid of the potty,” he admitted. This was new.
“Why are you afraid of
“I saw a Tron movie and
there were black guys and blue guys and I saw one of the guys gets killed,” he
answered, near tears.
“Can I put a dragon in
time out?” I asked him. He nodded somberly (there’s a story behind that
question, and if you haven’t read the Kids’ Quotes page on my website, you
should). “Do you think I can put a bad guy in time out?” He nodded again. “No,”
I said, and his eyes widened. “I don’t even let bad guys into preschool. No bad
guys, no monsters, nothing scary at all. Preschool is a safe place, because I
will always keep my kids safe.” His tears spilled over and he threw his arms
around me. I hugged him back, and then asked if he was ready to go potty. He
“Don’t forget to shut
the door,” he instructed, and I smiled and shut the door as I left to supervise
the other children.
This happened in
preschool today, and it got me thinking. Now I’ve never seen Tron or the Tron
Legacy movie, but I doubt that one of the guys gets killed on the potty. Both
of these movies are rated PG and we would assume then that they would be safe
to show. I’m not sure at what point my young student associated the pixilated death
of a program with dangers of bowel movement, but for him it was very real and
I’m glad he talked to
me about it. I don’t know if how I handled it was the right way or the best
way, but I did listen to him and try to understand his point of view. My first
journal entries are when I was in about the first grade, seven years old. They’re
really funny to me now to read, as I detailed the difficulties and dramas of
elementary school life. But even as I giggle over passages like, “I have a
crush on two boys. How does that even happen?” I remember how incredibly lonely
I was as a child. Being six or seven inches taller than almost everyone else in
your class is intimidating, and I wasn’t very socially savvy. Not having
friends to sit with at lunch may feel less critical now, but I still remember
I saw the movie “Labyrinth,”
with David Bowie when I was eight and although I love it now, back then it gave
me nightmares for over a week. I was
terrified that goblins were going to come and kidnap my sister. My older
sister. Rationality didn’t have much to do with it. I ran screaming from the
theater when my parents took me to see “E.T.” and was so traumatized that I don’t
think I have even tried to watch that movie again, my love for Spielberg notwithstanding.
And yet I think I watched “The Dark Crystal” when I was three or four and loved
it. Maybe it was because there were no people in it so it seemed completely
fantastic. Maybe I was too young to understand the danger. But either way, that
movie put “being a muppeteer in a muppet movie” on my bucket list.
But one journal entry
sticks out to me more than most. It was written in May of 1992 in terrible
handwriting with a red pen that I remember being proud of owning. “Remember
when you’re grown up to listen,” it says, “and what it feels like to be a kid.
I’m trying to talk about the biggest things in my life and no one cares. When
you get big you have big problems. When you’re a kid you have kid problems. But
my problems are just as big to me as yours are to you. If I’m ever a mom, I’m
going to listen when my kids talk and never laugh at them. Because sometimes
getting laughed at hurts when you’re trying to be serious.”
I wish I could write a
letter back to that self of mine. I have some things to apologize for, because
I haven’t always listened and I have sometimes laughed. I try not to, because I
do remember how much that bothered me. And I would tell young me that we were
going to be okay, and we would be a mom and have big people problems but we
wouldn’t be alone to face them. And that we were never alone to face them. Then I would give her a hug and tell her to
stop worrying so much even though I knew she never would.
When our children come
to us with problems it’s because they believe we care enough to help fix them.
What they can’t understand is when we care enough to let them fix their own
problems. But they will always remember if we listened to them or not. It’s
hard when you know you’re right and you just wish they would accept that and
move on because we have other things to do, but I was at lunch with a good
friend of mine recently and she said she remembered thinking that she was going
to tie her parents up and just make them listen.
Most of my kids’
favorite part of preschool is show and tell, when they’re the ones in center
stage. They want to feel listened to and heard. I encourage other students to
ask questions after each presentation and let the child answer, so they get the
chance to pick who talks next. They each love the power trip. And we can’t
listen to them every time, sometimes dinner is burning and our phones are
ringing while someone is at the door. But we can say, “In ten minutes (or a
half hour, or right before bedtime) we’ll talk, and I want to hear everything
you have to say.” Then stick to it. We need to keep our promises, even when it’s
inconvenient, because that’s how they learn to keep theirs.
When that boy’s mom
came to pick him up, he and I told her together about his potty fears and the
guy that got killed in Tron. It came out that he’d seen the movie at a friend’s
house and had been too scared to talk about it afterwards. His mom listened,
and asked him questions, and did not laugh at him. He went home happy and
comforted, and I worried that I wasn’t listening to my kids enough. I’m still a
worrier, even without my red pen. Maybe my future self will come and give me a
hug and tell me it’s all right, they grew up to be wonderful men, and they knew
they never had to face their problems alone.
I’ll have to add time
travel to my bucket list.
have an idea. And you love it. It’s a little vague, and you haven’t fleshed it
out yet, but that’s all right because we’re going to go through the process of
turning that idea into a story. So pause here for a moment and pull your idea
into the forefront of your mind. Got it? Okay. Now we approach it differently
depending on what kind of idea it is. There are ideas for a memorable, unique
character, ideas for an incredible setting, and ideas for potentially epic
conflict. Once you identify what kind of idea you have, we start asking
genesis of The Scales Trilogy came from the idea of my main character, Feather.
You always hear write what you know, and even though I’ve never had to live on
the street or been deprived of my parents, I have had difficult living
situations. And I have narcolepsy. My husband is a big tech guy and he loves to
talk about where technology is going and how web integrated we’ll all be in a
few years. Boom, there’s Feather, a tech savvy girl who has to make it on her
own and struggles with narcolepsy.
the questions come, the first being what could the conflict be? She has
several, a few on a very personal level like trying to care for herself and her
brother and then trying to save her brother from being illegally drafted, and a
few on a much larger level like how corrupt and greedy the government has
become. Eventually in the series these conflicts join into the same fight. She
can’t survive under the current regime and so must find a way to change it. Conflict
is a great place to start anytime you’re looking for a story, because without a
conflict there is no arc, no inciting incident, and no climax. Your characters
have to want something they don’t have and need to fight to get. Whether that
fighting is literal or figurative, it’s the struggle that defines the story.
there’s setting. For example, my idea for The Darkest Lie came from a setting,
specifically Sanctum. And the idea for Sanctum came from a story that a friend
wrote. So I asked myself if magic really did exist in this world, where had it
come from? So identify what about your setting makes it memorable. Where a
story is set can become as important as the characters. It isn’t just blank
canvass, it is somewhere specific and unique. It could be a monastery high in
the Tibetan mountains. Or another planet entirely. Or a small town in a
specific part of the United States. Or a school in England where they teach
magic. Once you have your setting you have a tool of immense value in telling
your story. Don’t neglect it.
questions should you ask here? First, ask yourself who would live in this
setting. If it’s another planet, are humans colonizing or are there already a
species of alien living there, or both? My prologue in the second book of The
Darkest Lie series takes place in a Sanctum holding facility for those weak in
their Song. I needed to have a specific interaction between two of the
characters, but I needed it to happen through someone else’s point of view. Who
would be in a prison? Guards, sure, but they’re not going to watch this, they’re
going to try and stop it. I needed a prisoner, weak in Song, who could witness
this and pass the information along. Your setting can give you your characters
and will inform how they behave and what options they have. It can even provide
conflict because of the restrictions of the setting. An abandoned warehouse can
only hold so many people. A frozen tundra can only support a limited amount of life.
A foxhole can have conflict internally as well as externally.
your idea is a conflict, then you’re well on your way. There are a few types of
conflict, such as man vs. man, (I’m using the word “man” because it’s
traditional, you could just as easily say “character”), man vs. nature, man vs.
society, man vs. technology/fantasy/supernatural, and man vs. self. It’s important to know what kind of conflict
yours is so you know what elements you need. If your conflict is a teenager’s
fight for survival after getting lost on a mountain and being stalked by a
predator, that’s man vs. nature. You’ll need research into survival techniques,
a specific mountain (real or created), and to plan a story arc for your
character. Man vs. man, you need a protagonist, an antagonist, a place that
puts them in contact, and a conflict between them (As a side note, the
antagonist and the villain are NOT always the same character, but we’ll get to
you’ve established what kind of conflict you have, you need to figure out who
would be involved in this conflict. Does the conflict involve biochemical weapons?
You’ll need a scientist. Likely more than one. Where does the conflict take
place? You’ll need farmers on a farm, New Yorkers in New York, astronauts in
space, etc. Are you noticing the pattern, here? When you have a character, you
need to establish conflict and setting. When you have a setting, you need
character and conflict. With conflict you need setting and characters. It doesn’t
matter what order your story elements arrive in, what matters is that you take
the time to seek them out and put them together.
remember my high school English teacher, Mrs. Bridges, had a song she would
sing. She’d play her lap harp and sing, “Plot, setting, character, and point of
view. Plot, setting, character, and point of view. Plot, setting, character,
and point of view, and you can tell a story too.” I’ve used “conflict” instead
of “plot” but you get the idea.
want to reassure you right now that your kids are not out to get you. Probably.
Unless you have a Stewie or a Bart, but that’s unlikely since your kids always
last more than a half an hour and don’t stop for commercial breaks. They may
never stop for breaks of any kind. And you may feel that you never get a break,
and I absolutely know what that feels like. In addition to my own kids, I also
teach three preschool classes for four hours Monday through Thursday. There are
ten children in each class, all under the age of five. Believe me, I know
exactly how crazy kids can get.
I will be asked for parenting advice by a friend who is experiencing her first
pregnancy. Or second. Or third. But by that time, they’re asking me how to
survive doing this again. I actually have solid advice! The first thing I want
you to know is this: parenting. Don’t take it personally. I mean it. We make
the mistake so often of thinking that our children are doing these things to
us, when for them we don’t figure into the equation at all. They aren’t being
disobedient because they don’t love us or don’t respect us, they’re being disobedient
because whatever it is that they want to has absorbed their whole attention.
can make us angrier than the people we love most. Have you ever stopped to
wonder why that is? If we love them so much why does it take less than a minute
for us to be infuriated? Because everything is personal. We read so much into
the actions of our loved ones and interpret them through the filter of our
relationship to them, and so small actions become charged with meaning. Let’s
use the example of a child being told to clean their room. They don’t want to
clean their room, they want to play with the cool new toy. Mommy comes back and
nothing has been picked up, and she gets a little angry. Why is my child
ignoring me? The underlying question there is, Why aren’t I more important to
my child? So the child is told again to clean their room. The child may think,
why is mommy pestering me when all I want to do is play with this toy? Is my
room being clean more important to her than I am?
suddenly there’s a fight. Mom is yelling because child didn’t listen and mom
feels unappreciated and unimportant, child is hurt and angry because mom is
placing more value on the room being clean than the child’s happiness. This is
what I mean about not taking it personally. We get angry when we are hurt or
scared, and no one can hurt us or scare us as much as people we love
desperately. But these types of communications aren’t about us, and we need to
stop making them about us. Children aren’t disobeying to be defiant, they’re
saving that for when their teenagers. And even then, it’s best to assume they’re
just being teenagers and trying to figure everything out, not trying to hurt us
almost every preschool class at least one of the mothers will ask me some
variation of, “How do you do it?” I tell them I don’t take it personally. When
a child breaks the rules in class, it’s the rule they’re breaking, not me. They
have made the choice to go to time out, and all I do is enforce the rules. And
I explain that isn’t personal either: this was the choice they made and I am
obligated to follow through with the consequences. It’s amazing how much better
our relationship is from student to teacher when if things go bad, neither of
us feel personally attacked or unloved.
wish it always worked. Sometimes it’s SO HARD to be objective and calm. I am a
firm believer in time out, both for them and for me, because sometimes it’s me
who needs to walk away. I need a moment of quiet, calm breathing to think
rationally and not just react. Which is the next advice: act, don’t react.
Reaction is that knee jerk gut punching first instinct when something goes
wrong. It’s the screaming when the egg gets dropped and the urge to strike out
when the crystal vase heirloom gets broken. This piece of advice evolved into a
personal rule, which is this. In all capitals, NEVER PUNISH WHEN YOU ARE ANGRY.
Send them to time out and walk away. Breathe, get perspective, come back and
talk to your child about why that was wrong and what an appropriate punishment
would be. If needed, send them to their room first to give yourself more time
to calm down. Remember, you’re the grown-up here. Take however much time you
need so you can act like it.
finally, be consistent. Children need to feel safe, they need boundaries and
they need love. They need to know what to expect, because for them the world is
still a new and scary place with monsters in the closet and strangers who might
take them away and candy that could be poison. The best way to help them feel
comfortable and have confidence is consistency. If going to time out is the
punishment for playing in daddy’s office without permission, than it needs to
be the same punishment every time. If they get a sticker every time they go in
the potty, then it needs to be every time. We need to be the grown-ups they can
count on, so that they know action A=consequence B and they can rely on that.
will fail, just so you know. All of us. Both my sons are in school now, and I’m
just getting a handle on this with them. I feel like I’m holding onto the edge
of the parenting precipice with my fingertips now instead of just my nails. I
am not consistently consistent, or perfectly objective (but I do try and talk
about it, as in “When you don’t listen to me, it makes me feel like I’m not
important to you. Is that what you were trying to say?”) and I still scream “GO
TO TIME OUT!!” with fire and spittle once in a while. But I’m trying.
than anything else, parenting is about loving your children. Whether you’re
with them all the time or only from dinner to bedtime, they can tell how you
feel about them. They don’t need perfect homes or even always clean ones (I
gave up wanting a totally clean house years ago in order to preserve my
sanity). They want a place to feel safe with people who love them. If you can
give them that, you’re doing great. Everything else is practice. And patience.
And for the love of your sanity, take a break once in while. Maybe watch some
TV and be glad those aren’t your kids.
What about you? What are your best pieces of parenting advice?
fantasy, horror, science fiction, historical fantasy, action-adventure, crime,
detective, mystery, romance, urban fantasy, legal thriller, paranormal,
military; there are many different genres of fiction to write, each with its
own subcategories and crossovers. And with all those different genres it is
incredible to believe that there are generally only two types of writers. There
are discovery writers and outliners. The two types can bleed into each other
and any writer can try both, but an author will fall more into one category or
the other. They each have their strong points and weaknesses and neither is inherently
better than the other; the difference is that you, the writer, will find
yourself more comfortable and ultimately more successful at one or the other.
writing means that you discover the story as you write it. You start with an
idea. It may be a character, a setting, a conflict, or just a scene that pops
into your head and you write it down. That becomes the starting point of your
manuscript. Then you work around it, flesh out more characters and keep going,
discovering more about your characters as they come to life on the page in
front of you. It’s very exciting and fresh as it comes out of your head and
onto the page in front of you.
some discovery writers, the more often you tell the story the less enthusiasm you
have for it, so outlining the story from the beginning takes some of the joy
from the process. Outlining is, after all, just telling the story in bullet
points. You learn the parts of the story as you go along, sometimes hanging on
to your characters by your fingertips. If they run away with the story, you can
follow them to see where they go because it might be more interesting than
where you were going to take them. Things happen you didn’t expect. You’ve
discovered the conflict already so you have in mind a solution that you’re
working towards, but getting your characters from the beginning to the end is a
journey you get to take with them. It’s very exciting every time you sit to
can also be a frustrating, seemingly never ending process. It’s similar to
driving across the country from Washington D.C. to Hollywood without a map or
GPS. You know where you want to go and have a general idea how to get there,
i.e. go west, but it’s incredibly easy to get lost along the way. The stories
are exciting, but once you finish your rough draft your editing can take twice
as long because you have a lot more manuscript than you have story, or not
enough. If you discover a big twist at the end you have to go back through and
make sure it’s supported and foreshadowed. You’ll have to cut scenes, great
scenes, because they don’t fit your story (but don’t delete them, cut and paste
them into a “Reuse” document. Great writing should never disappear). And the
hardest pitfall of all in discovery writing is writing thousands of words in a
story that never goes anywhere or ends too abruptly.
is aptly named, because it is writing out an outline for your story before you
begin to write it. You still begin in the same place, with a character or idea
or setting that you write down. But instead of starting your story there, you
begin to outline. What is the conflict? Who is the main character? What does
the main character want? Who/what is standing in his way? These questions are
all answered in the outline. And outlines don’t need to be long- decide what
needs to happen in each chapter and write 3-5 bullet points. Chapter One: Main
Character, brief description, does this or has this happen. MC meets this
person and makes this decision. Side Character one is in this peril. Chapter
Two: Main Character meets love interest looking for Side Character and they
have this interaction. They don’t like each other. Introduce antagonist and
central conflict in this setting.
It feels dry writing like this, but there are
several benefits. When you start writing your manuscript, you’ll write faster.
It helps you stay focused on the story and know where you’re going. Any time
you spent outlining instead of writing is more than made up for in the time you
save editing, because you were able to put all the important plot points in
place. You’ll have your research done, because you’ll know beforehand what
research needed to be done. Character name choices are easier because you know
them and what they want before you start writing, which is key to getting
excellent and realistic dialogue and thought from each character. Outliners
have less writer’s block. And outlining doesn’t have to take a long time or be
an arduous process. It’s your outline; you can do as much or as little as you
want. And the best thing about outlining is that you get all these benefits but
if you find something better as you write, you’re allowed to change it.
drawbacks to outlining aren’t as many as the pitfalls discovery writing has,
but they are perhaps more insidious. For some writers, writing out a full and
descriptive outline pulls the joy out of their story. They already wrote it,
why would they want to write it again? So the outline, no matter how brilliant,
sits in a file that hasn’t been opened in months because in the writer’s heart,
that story has been done. If writing a complete outline answers your need to
tell the story, then it isn’t for you.
second drawback has been called “World-builder’s disease” on the WritingExcuses podcast. Essentially it’s a writer who loves to outline and who wants
to fill in all the details because they don’t feel ready to start writing yet.
That’s all fine and good until your desire to detail out the setting and
characters overwhelm your desire to actually write the story, and you disappear
into a rabbit hole of increasing complexity in the name of making the world of
your story authentic. A noble goal, but not one to sacrifice your story to
do something that’s more of a combination of the two. I outline, and I made a
full, detailed outline that’s several pages long. Once I have the outline
finished, I ignore it and write the story. The outline for me is a place to
work out the bumps and kinks of the story so I have it in my head who the
characters are and what they want. Then as I’m writing I follow the story.
Sometimes the order of the scenes is changed; that’s no big deal. Then other
times I introduce new characters and plot twists that I wasn’t expecting at
all, but since I still know what needs to happen I know how to make them fit
and work towards my conclusion.
think most writers fit somewhere more happily close to the middle. Write an
outline, make a plan, and get a map. Then as you drive through the story, feel
free to stop in new and interesting places and enjoy yourself on the way. You
can always refer to the map if needed to make sure you get where you’re going,
but the exact route can vary as you grow and change with your characters.
Because the most important thing about writing is to love it while you’re doing
it. Not every day, not every scene, but overall to love that this is what we
get to do. In every genre, love your story. And be thorough in your editing.
work with the youth at my church, specifically I work with girls ages 12-18. I
love this for several reasons. 1) I have two sons whom I adore, but it’s nice
to have girls to play with! 2) These girls are amazing. They’re sweet, smart,
beautiful, and they honestly want to help each other. 3) There are so many
things I’ve wished I could go back in time and tell myself when I was that age.
This is getting to do it vicariously.
I wish I’d known when I was younger is a topic that seems to be required of all
parents, teachers, writers, and everyone else who passed through the fire of
adolescence and survived. Not unscathed, but stronger. So here is my list of
things I wanted to know, and these are all themes of my books, too. Working
with the youth helped finally push me over the edge to start doing what I’ve
always wanted to do, because there are millions of people out there who I want
to talk to, to hug, and to comfort. (My nurturing instinct is way off the
out of your head this weird idea that life is fair. Life on Earth isn’t fair,
it can’t be. Otherwise we’d still have dinosaurs because how is it fair that
they went extinct? If one person got
sick, everyone would have to get sick. That’s fair. And awful. Life is about survival and some people get breaks
and some people don’t and that’s fine. If you spend all your time trying to
work out what’s fair and what isn’t and who got what that you didn’t or who has
more to do, you will end up depressed, bitter, and annoying to anyone who talks
to you. Don’t be that person. Do be the person who can accept and move on. I’m
talking about little things, here, cars and toys and chores and houses and
clothes. Dealing with big things is the next paragraph.
life big awful things will happen. Someone you love will die, or get really
sick for a long time, or you’ll lose your home, or all your money, and this is
a big thing. Anyone who tells you here to just accept it and move on is not
being either helpful or realistic. And
if you encounter someone who has had one of these awful experiences under no
circumstances try to make them feel better by telling them about someone else
who has it worse. THIS IS A TERRIBLE IDEA AND COMPLETELY UNSYMPATHETIC. If you’re
just trying to get them to count their blessings, do it by helping them count
their blessings. Telling someone who is in pain about someone else’s pain only
shows that there is even more pain in the world. This is a pet peeve of mine.
So my advice to someone who has undergone something terrible and heartbreaking
is, I am so sorry, you do what you need to do to deal with it and someday the
pain will ease and your chest won’t feel so tight but for now just know that
there are people who love you. My advice to everyone else is DON’T BE AN
INSENSITIVE JERK who says things like, “At least you’re not so-and-so who has
this much worse thing,” or “Just get over it and move on,” (variations of which
are “buck up,” “suck it up” or “you’ll be okay”). If you feel the impulse to
say any of those things, give them a hug and walk away. That’s it. No more
talking for you.
wait around. Four of the young women I worked with left for college recently. I
was asked to give them advice about college, and this is what I told them. Don’t
wait in your dorm or apartment for someone else to call you and plan something
fun. Pick up the phone or open your email and invite people to do something
with you. Friendships are built in two main ways: talking and spending time
together. If you want a friend, pick a few likely candidates and set something
up with them all. Invite them over for a make fun of terrible movies night or
go ice blocking or tray sledding. Find clubs you’re interested in and join
them. If they’re too much work or you don’t end up enjoying them, drop it and
find something else. The warning with this is sometimes you’ll get burned.
Sometimes you’ll throw a party and no one will show up, or everyone you call
will be busy. That sucks. But it’s also okay. Because the risk of putting
yourself out there is getting burned, but getting burned sometimes to find a
best friend or a circle of best friends is worth it. Absolutely 100%.
yourself. Is a terrible piece of advice. Most of us don’t really know who “ourself”
is, and if we spend the whole time worrying about whether we are being
disingenuous or not we’re not going to have fun or be very much fun. What people
mean with that advice is relax. Not everyone is going to be your friend, not
every member of the PTA will like you or think you’re the best person ever. It
doesn’t matter. Them not liking you doesn’t hurt you unless you focus on it. If
you ignore it and find people who do like you, then the only person it bothers
is the person who doesn’t like you. And really, what better revenge could there
be? Calm down. Take a deep breath. And go have fun. Make fun, if you have to.
Don’t worry about being funny or well liked, because everyone else is worried
about that. If you can relax , you can laugh, and everyone else will want to be
around you because they wish they could be the person who was relaxed.
you will like yourself. This takes time. It doesn’t happen overnight, either. I
remember being in my late 20s and still not feeling comfortable with who I
thought I was. Then after I turned 30, I was getting ready one morning and
realized I liked the person I’d grown up to be. Maybe it was not having the
social pressure of being in my 20s anymore, maybe it was because I finally felt
like I was starting to be successful, but mostly I think it was because I
finally spent enough time with me.
last advice is this. Everything will turn out okay in the end, and if it’s not
okay, it’s not the end. Humans have an endless capacity for adapting and the
world is constantly changing. Whatever awful thing is going on in your life
right now, it has an end date. Sometimes knowing that doesn’t make it hurt
less, but sometimes it does. I have a laundry list of medical conditions, some
common, like rheumatoid arthritis, and some less common, like narcolepsy. These
are things that I will have my whole life, but I’m okay with that because I
have learned how to cope so they don’t interfere with my life. You will be okay
too. Just give yourself the time, and take time out every day to do something
you love. It doesn’t have to be a lot of time, maybe ten or fifteen minutes,
but in those minutes just be with you. And you don’t have to take them all
consecutively, either. Steal a minute away from all your young children and
read a paragraph of a book you love or listen to a song that gets you pumped.
Go in your backyard or your closet or somewhere you can be alone and just
breathe. It’s important. More than you’ll ever know.
something you should know about my advice. I don’t care whether you take it or
not, or listen to me or not. But it is what I think and how I feel and it informs
how I view the world. So my young self, you made it, you grew up, you found
friends and loved ones and you’re a person that you would like. Keep your chin
up and fight through it. The bad stuff is easier to believe, but the good stuff
lasts much, much longer.